whatchew lookin' at?

Last night, out on the town (if being in a dingy club with one token table, where the bar is nearly as big as the club itself counts as Out), I spied a young lady standing in front of me.  She and her beau were holding onto one another in the hand-almost-but-not-quite-on-the-butt manner and she had that multi-level garage hairstyle that was over sometime last year.  What really caught my eye, though, was her outfit.  She was wearing red fishnet stockings and black dance shoes under a short skirt that was riding up a bit on her rump.  My god, I thought.  Tap shoes?  How Arthur Murray.  Then I found myself wondering if my legs were that fat.  I said as much to my companion, only to find out She Was Thinking The Exact Same Thing.  I am never wearing fishnet stockings again.