whoaaa be good to yourself

I'm a little reluctant to share this dream, since it's typically considered Freudian. However, I'll give my own analysis after.

Someone hands me a cigarette. She's been smoking it but now has to leave in search of someone. Why she can't do that with a cigarette in her hand is a dream-mystery.

I put the cigarette to my mouth and inhale. It's never like in real life, when I try to inhale anything and immediately begin to choke and get all red in the face. The smoke goes down, deep into my lungs, and I suck in more and more until the cigarette is completely down to the filter.

Okay, so you Freudians are thinking: sex, plain and simple. You may be partly correct, but there's more.

After I finished my first master's thesis, my advisor said to me, "Ranger, I just don't feel like you've sucked the marrow." He really meant it and I took it to heart. Now, when I find myself watching tv night after night or complaining about something someone said at work and how much that annoyed me, blah blah blah, that rebuke comes back to me. It makes me want to suck harder, not just the marrow of life but every part of it, good and bad. My mantra:

Suck, Ranger. Suck as hard as you can.