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in the hoosegow

Friday, October 29, 2004

all i can say is

Thank goodness it's almost the weekend. This has been a major muy craposo week for me. I can't deal with people blowing me off. I can't deal with wrist pain. I can't deal with smelly kitchens (unwashed dishes due to wrist pain). I can't deal with bitches who let their dogs crap everywhere and don't clean it up. I can't deal with my own stupidity.

Now I'm back at work stealing myself to call the most cheerful school librarian in the history of the world. Those of you who know, know that's saying something. Unfortunately I have good news to give her, which will probably make her off the charts cheerful.

I got a lot of sleep last night and even went running this morning and thank god I did because I am getting slobby and mean. Okay, I'm probably always slobby and mean but it's gotten way worse this week.

That was more than I meant to say, so I'd better shut up now.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

may the least awful man win

(to the tune of the Mexican hat dance)
I early voted! I early voted! lalalalalalala!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004


*shamelessly stolen from fox 26 news

So, dear reader(s), I've been contemplating the addition of a pet to my household for some time now. I'm getting ready to move to a new place, a more permanent type of place, where I'll have a big yard with kennels, the backdoor has a doggy flap (kinda broken down but could be replaced) and I'm considering being ready to make a commitment.

The question is, should I take the plunge and get a dog? I do like them but as you know I'm hopeless with being an authority figure. I try to be stern with my nephew for my sister's sake but we both know that when he's finally old enough to come visit me I'll probably feed him ice cream and candy until he pukes. I do NOT want to be the type of dog owner who never bothers to train the pooch and lets him/her jump all over people, chew stuff up and generally create mayhem in his/her wake.

That leaves me with the option of getting another cat. I've had several in my life: Ghost, the cat my sister got when she turned 13; Mezmer & Hanna, littermates I got when I was 14; Gabe & Stewie, my very own cats; various and sundry roommate/housemate cats. Until Stew's untimely death at the end of January, I'd pretty much always had a cat either with me or waiting for me to pick him up and dance around with at my mom's house. I like cats. I miss having one, but I've grown to like the lack of cathair on all of my clothes and furniture. I also like not having to keep cat litter & food in constant (expensive) supply, not worrying about stepping in anything on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, not being awakened by meowing or hairpulling or vulture-like staring.

However! I always thought I'd grow up to be the mean old lady down the street with 50 dogs or cats. Can I let that opportunity pass me by? Should I consider a pet that's neither canine or feline? Should I get married and treat my husband like a pet? The kennels are plenty big... Clearly, I need your advice, dear reader.

Monday, October 25, 2004

potpourri, like on jeopardy

Times when I really need my old boyfriend R.: this morning when, already running late because I stayed up last night doing my laundry, I get in the car and the battery is dead. DEAD! The AAA guy came out and jumped me but probably I'll be dead again by the time I leave work.

The cool thing was that Sabrina the Teenage Witch was on so I got to watch it. It was a good, early Halloween episode where the furniture starts talking because of a magical termite invasion and 10,000 Maniacs (post Natalie Merchant) were the musical guests. Unfortunately Tool Time came on before the AAA guy arrived.

Updates: I found out what's wrong with my step mother and she's not dead or dying or anything so I can stop worrying about that. Also, I'm officially buying my house.

Friday, October 22, 2004

the dream is over

Ah, bittersweet ending to an up and down year for the Astros. We made it to the National League Championships which was amazing considering the slump we had mid-season. We played well enough to stay alive to game 7 and then, like in every other game we lost, the pitching staff fell apart, we allowed a few runs, and we completely lost momentum.

The World Series should be good--both Boston and St. Louis have solid teams--but it won't be the same as it would have been if our 'Stros had been playing.

Can't wait until April...

Thursday, October 21, 2004

why i'm so tense

Number one reason: I'm in the middle of buying a house. It's a big and scary process!
Number two reason: the Astros need to win tonight to go to the world series.
Number three reason: I went to the school where I volunteer and the kid I work with was in the office. There was some stuff going on with her sister and the administrative person there and the cops were called and I had to skedaddle.
Number four reason: I got an email from my dad about taking my stepmom to another state for surgery. No explanation, no mention of the type of surgery, nothing.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

update: not so whiney

So the mortgage lady wrote back a nice email...I guess my response was satisfactory, unlike that crazy drunk blind date guy.


So I shopped around for a mortgage & mortgage company, just like you're supposed to. One of the companies I worked with was recommended by a friend, one was my bank and the other was recommended by my realtor. I chose the one I did because he was upfront with me, took the time to explain everything and he was able to find me a really good deal. I emailed the other non-bank broker to let her know that I had chosen a different broker/company really more out of politeness and a sense of fairplay and not wanting her to be hanging around waiting to hear from me than because I had to. She emailed me back demanding to know why I'd chosen someone else and I say demanded only because she put "please respond!" in her message.

I was reminded of a time when I went out on a blind date with a guy who 1. picked me up in his pimp mobile and 2. was upset because the bar wasn't open yet (it was 10:30am). When I declined a second date, he wanted to know why so I told him that he wasn't mature enough for me. He responded with a very childish reply and then continued to email me with updates on his new found love (of one week) and their subsequent breakup (after a few more weeks) and then another request for a second date. Finally I had to email him back and say, "remember when I said you weren't mature? This shit is exactly what I was talking about" and then block his email.

Monday, October 18, 2004

no shit, batman

This is ripped straight from my msn.horrorscope, emphasis mine.

You are ready for something new and different. And what better time than during the current transits to put into practice what had only been a dream. It may be that you decide to work for yourself for a change, or perhaps you ditch one relationship in favor of another. You want the changes that you implement in your life to be brash, bold and far-reaching! If not, you may have to wait for a long time to feel this energetic and optimistic about the future again!

I was just saying the other day that my horrorscope is never right, but now I have to eat my hat.

Friday, October 15, 2004

bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do?

Whatcha gonna do when the pound comes for you?

I got pulled into dog patrol this morning. A very old, very sweet, very gummy eyed and mangy furred dog wandered into the library this morning. A call to the animal hospital with the tag number proved that the owner lets the dog wander quite a bit. This is an ooooold dog, very possibly senile, who just wanted to come in and hang out where it's warm and there are people to (eeew) pet it.

Poor doggy.

call of the plains

As requested, I have one story about the stalker I shared with my friend W. That in itself requires some explanation. The woman was not stalking me, but since I lived with W. and hung out with him a lot, she was always around our house and wherever we were out on the town.

W. was very nice about it, much nicer than I would have been. M., the stalker, and I had been very close friends for several months. She was on an upswing at that point (she is bipolar), reaching a manic phase, and we would stay up late watching the X Files and then I'd crash while she stayed up all night doing whatever it was she did. I mean I never woke up with her standing over me or anything. Anyway, once she started her depressive phase, she stopped speaking to me.

Move ahead several months. I'd moved in with W. and we were happily getting his new house and yard cleaned up and decorated and lived in. M. had stopped hanging around him for a while but had recently reappeared. We were out one night drinking and then went back to our house. W. and I both went to bed and M. was supposed to be sleeping on the couch but as usual she crept upstairs into W.'s room. A bit later we both woke up to swearing and a loud "bump bump bump" noise ending in a crash.

M. had gotten up to go to the bathroom and had put her hand down on a speaker we had set on the landing half way up the stairs. The speaker was rather tippy because it was an old house and the floor wasn't even so when M. tried to steady herself it fell over. She pitched down the stairs head first and landed at the bottom, head resting on W.'s hand weights with the speaker on her back. W. came racing down in his underwear* and after we stopped laughing we picked up M. and tried to get her to go to the hospital. I was sure she had a concussion and she proved me right by commencing to vomit. Luckily the bathroom was at the bottom of the stairs so we just positioned her and stood back. She refused to go to the emergency room after a lot of arguing so I'm afraid we just left her alone. Some time in the morning she drove herself home. I think that was the last time she followed W. around.

It sounds really mean that we started laughing as soon as we saw her but 1. she was not supposed to be upstairs in the first place and 2. her big ass was hanging out and sort of up in the air and 3. her head was literally wedged against some 10 lb weights and the wall and with the speaker on her back she looked like a big white crazy-eyed turtle. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

*W. had chosen to wear tighty whiteys that night for some unknown reason. I'm still a little scarred by that.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

jacket racket

I put on a jacket this morning. No, no, I mean I put on a JACKET this morning and wasn't too hot.

Last year about this time a friend of a friend came to visit. She was wearing one of those nice, casual velvety jackets. I immediately had to have one and in fact bought one that evening. It's a little Annie Hall, a little grunge, all me. That's the jacket I put on this morning.

I think that's one of the reasons I liked Seattle so much...there it is almost always jacket season. Rarely do you need a coat, although you might like to wear a sweater inside your hoody or add a hat to the ensemble, especially when it's raining. Fall is my favorite season, so perhaps my jacket devotion has something to do with that. Some people dream of going to a sunny island when it gets cool, I dream of dry crispy fall leaves, flannel shirts and apple cider.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

trigger happy

I've been listening to a lot of old Old 97s lately. They were one of the bands I felt like I'd discovered on my own back in Athens. Hardly anyone had heard of them there. By the time I moved to Seattle, their album Too Far to Care was out and being played nonstop by my pal "J. in the morning" on the hip local radio station. A few months later I went to see them with my friend W., determined to kidnap them and/or move to Texas to be closer to them. During the show this skank kept turning around and generally being obnoxious. W. had abandoned me to stand in the back and the girls next to me finally got so pissed they started throwing ice at the skank. We had a good laugh since she couldn't figure out what was hitting her or where it was coming from. W. and I got too drunk to carry out our kidnapping plans and ended up stumbling over to the Lava Lounge and drinking a lot more with our friend and stalker M. I have a lot of stories about that girl...but I'll leave my favorite for another day.

Anyway, that's what was on my mind when I drove to work after starting the process of signing away my life to debt.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

"worst episode ever"

One of my favorite shows is one of those long running family shows, which may or may not be produced by Aaron Spelling. I mostly watch it out of loyalty, not because I really enjoy it anymore. Anyway, last night I was plunked down in front of the tv saying outloud, "This is ridiculous!" and laughing AT the show. However, I did not change the channel.

Monday, October 11, 2004

weekend of oblivion

This weekend started out normally: drank a little too much margarita on Friday, had breakfast on Saturday with J. After that, though, I stayed firmly attached to my couch. I spent some time talking to family and friends on the phone, cooking, watching tv and reading. I cleaned up a little, walked a lot, but mainly I thought. I thought about my life, my (maybe) new house, work, loved ones, and some other stuff. I pondered. I questioned. I had a few revelations. By Sunday night I felt renewed.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Honestly: Ready to Settle

I was thinking about how I'm not particularly interested in getting married because I freak out when I'm afraid I might lose my ability to decide my own destiny, etc etc. This internal conversation was spawned by a friend's announcement of her impending nuptials but my own reaction is in no way a reflection on that particular couple (!). Anyway, I was thinking about how I'd go about it if I did indeed intend to find a husband and I thought of using the title of this entry as the headline for a personals ad.

I totally cracked myself up in the shower.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

3 because I like 3

I ended up with 3 of the crappiest potential models in our America's Next Top Model pool. One of them was the one eliminated last night, Julie. So now I have Kristi the Republican and Ann the clingy snot left. Ooh, clingy snot sounds gross. Anyway, I think I can kiss my $$ goodbye!

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

ima fiend

A couple of my girlfriends and I are starting a betting pool for America's Next Top Model. In preparation for the distribution of the models (we each get 3), I made cards by printing out pictures of each one and gluing them onto construction paper. I thought about adding their stats and so on but that seemed a bit extreme. I'm seriously considering a board game...

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

eyes are burning

Yesterday I caught sight of a Muslim woman's thong. Jeez, it feels oxymoronic to even type that phrase.

elevator shoes

I used to love teaching kids because it made me feel tall. The only time I get to feel anything but mutantly short is when I'm in China or amongst children under the age of 12. I went to my friend's school today to volunteer. I met with two 5th grade girls to help with their Day of the Dead projects. One is a latina, so she's doing an ofrenda featuring her great grandmother. The other is African American and apparently her mom is a little out of her element with the whole ofrenda idea. They've come up with some cool ideas, though, and I can't wait to see the elements of their presentations in a few days.

The scariest thing that happened was that while I was filling out the (extensive, exhaustive almost) volunteer form in the office, someone came up to me and said, "Oh, you must be our sub!" Gulp. Hell no! I then had a whole hilarious comedy starring Joan Cusak (because really, who else is funny enough to play me?) in my head, where she goes to a school for something or other and ends up being mistaken for a substitute teacher and hilary ensues. Then I remembered that that had already been done in School of Rock so I just said, "No, and don't scare me like that!"

Monday, October 04, 2004


From today's horoscope:

"Don't forget to keep a "dream pad" next to your bed. You'll want to remember your ideas and your dreams later. "

Really? Why the hell would I want to remember that particular dream?

escape from witch mountain

I had a really perverted dream last night. I was posing two stuffed animals, a mouse and a kitten, like they were having sex with each other. Juvenile, yes, humorous, possibly. But then they came to life and there was, well, naughty contact and I saw it. Eeeew eeew eeeew.

Friday night I did dream that I was holding a little tiny baby and he started talking philosophy with me. I don't know anything about philosophy, not even enough to discuss it with an infant but I do remember making what I thought was a very profound comment (which I have now forgotten).

In other news, I am feeling very sorry for myself right now and if someone wants to go get ice cream with me tonight (provided I stop feeling queasy by then, I mean I can't be sick to my stomach for more than 36 hours in a row, right?), I'll treat.

Friday, October 01, 2004

curly nose hairs

I was dreaming and dreaming and dreaming last night. The one I mainly remember was a weird one.

My pal J and I were going to a lady of guadalupe celebration or event or something, which in itself is strange, but anyway. On the way we stopped at my ex's dad's house and my ex was there. Sometimes he was another ex though, a white dude I dated in Seattle, which makes more sense since the dad guy was white. We stopped by there because the dad was my friends J & A's landlord, i.e. they were living in his house in the country and he was renting a place in the city and there was some problem at their house. All of these cute brothers kept appearing while I was trying to make out with the ex. I swear there were 5 or 6 of them.

Eventually we left and went to the guadalupe thing. It was basically sitting in these round structures and eating peanut butter sandwiches with the crust cut off, so we wandered away again quite soon.

Then I was dreaming it was Friday (today) and I was going out with J to see a band or something.