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in the hoosegow

Monday, January 31, 2005

sunday sundae

In my family, it's considered normal to skip Sunday dinner and substitute an ice cream cone or sundae. Yesterday I followed family protocol and had a small (2 scoops) hot fudge sundae with whopper ice cream and belgian chocolate ice cream with whipped cream on top at Amy's. One thing about Amy's: they give you a hard time about not wanting nuts & fruit on your sundae. However, their incredible flavor choices and b&w photobooth make up for the hassle. I mean, the whopper ice cream actually had whoppers in it! I really wish, though, that they'd make a tiny sundae. I feel lousy not being able to finish what they give me but I can't exactly take it to go. It's a sort of moral dilemma for me.

Friday, January 28, 2005

snorting floral

So I went to the doctor today, which involved driving aimlessly around the medical center, looking for the address that mapquest swore was on the right (it was on the left), parking on the roof of the garage and walking. I was only 15 minutes late...and that was partly because I had to wait for the (slow ass) elevator from the 1st to 2nd floors so I could ask someone on the 2nd floor where my doctor's office was and then take the elevators to the 24th floor.

Anyhoo, she said I don't even have an ear infection but that the intense pain I've been feeling is due to a blocked eustacian tube. There's not much to be done about it except for taking decongestants, mucinex, ibuprofen and snorting flonase. I don't know if you've ever tried that last drug, but believe me, it's disgusting. I told my boss it's like snorting a floral bathroom spray. Happily, it appears to be calming the burning in my throat and maybe the other parts of the cocktail will eventually clear up the snot fest in my head.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

why i hate wendy pepper

Warning for those who watch Project Runway: Spoilers ahead if you didn't see last night's episode!

Okay, so we're down to just a few designers on Project Runway and you'd think they would represent the best of the best. Ohhhh no! Out of the remaining 5, two are so-so in the design and concept area, although all are good at actually sewing. Why, oh why is that?

One of them, Robert, is a cute guy who's good at schmoozing. He is one of those kids you hated in college because he wouldn't have read the book before class but you'd discuss it with him for a minute and he'd somehow turn that into a brilliant explication of the plot, themes and character motivation. Okay, well, designers need to be able to work with clients and the garment industry so they'd better be able to sell their stuff, even if it sucks.

The other crappy designer, Wendy, has been left on the show by the producers, I'm positive. She's consistently turned out uninspired and blah garments that barely fit the specifications of the challenge. While she did win one challenge, it was the one for the Banana Republic dress that was uninspired and blah but happened to fit their style. So why is she still on the show? She's the contestant that everyone loves to hate. She schemes, she plots, she undermines, and she turns people against each other. Now, though, the other four who remain all hate her. When they announced that Kevin was getting the boot last night, I let out a howl that scared the cats off the coffee table, "NOOOOOOOO! Get rid of Wendy!"

Maybe next week...

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

the taunting of tootoo

So, hockey game last night! First of all, we were sitting in the 3rd row, just to the right of the visitors' box. The arena was sparsely populated but that didn't stop the fans from being loud and drunk. On the ice in front of us sat two couples whose main form of entertainment at hockey games, apparently, is to pound on the plexiglas and yell lame insults at the opposing team and referees. We watched in horrified silence while they slugged down beer after beer and came up with dumber and dumber taunts.

One of the opposing players appeared to be a native (innuit, or some other group) and his last name was Tootoo. One guy in particular kept yelling out things like "what color is your tutu?" and calling him a midget (a reference to Tattoo from Fantasy Island? He was a little short).

The game itself was fun and got more interesting after our team stopped picking fights and started playing, but unfortunately that didn't happen until about halfway through the game. While I did get to see several fights and guys mushed up against the plexiglas and one puck even came pretty close to beaning our neighbors in the stands, I didn't see any teeth or even blood. So, the game scored about a 75/100 on my satifaction meter.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

yelling at the tv

Last night I found myself yelling at the television again. I've always been one to walk around naked, but now that I have my very own house, I've discovered the joys of talking out loud to, well, either the people on the tv or the people who created the tv or fellow watchers or...

Anyway, the fox version of the show where two very different women visit each other's homes for a week and Learn A Valuable Lesson was on last night. It was the second of a two-parter but my usual show was on so I only watched it during the commercials. Okay, I snuck in a few flips while really stupid and/or embarrassing things were happening on the other show. Anyway, the two people who switched had completely different ideas of cleanliness. One was terribly ocd, vacuuming incessantly, making sure everything is put away, not letting shoes touch her carpet, forcing her children to clean, etc. The other lived in a rather slovenly house but it was clean enough for her by god and really gross stuff (dog doo mainly) eventually got cleaned up. She was the happy mom. She eventually got the kids and dad to lighten up, abandon their cleaning schedule, and *gasp* allow people to wear shoes in the house during an insane party that involved silly string getting all over the ceiling. The other one hated everyone in the house, tried to make them clean up, and wrote an extremely detailed list of how they had to spend their money. The happy one left money for a vacation, something else and the majority to the husband to buy a motorcycle.

I hoped that the ocd lady would go home a bit more relaxed and stop turning her children into hateful, small-minded ocd freaks. However, as soon as she got home she started complaining about the state of the house, what her family had allowed while she was away, and started trying to reinstate martial law. Her husband, having seen what she was doing to her kids (and him), balked. The end of the show left them in conflict and I found myself thinking that they should get a divorce.

I know lots of people who hate reality tv and for very good reasons. I like it because of the conflict it shows (except when it's obviously contrived) and the discomfort it causes me. I don't like conflict in my own life, so it's my way of getting my fill of it without getting hurt or hurting. Usually I just think the shows are silly but for some reason this one really got to me, maybe because it really appeared that the women were letting their real selves show and be judged.

Okay, enough about angst and tv. Tonight I'm going to an Aeros game, so expect a blow-by-blow (from the 3rd row) tomorrow.

Monday, January 24, 2005

snot head

I got sick last week and I'm currently in the midst of that 7-10 day cold window. This morning's excitement included a series of sneezes (still not past that apparently) and a reeeeeallly sore throat. Also, despite going to bed at 9, I was sound asleep when my alarm went off at 6 and again at 6:30.

On the upside, I watched Garden State again. I got to see all of the deleted scenes, bloopers, etc. because this time I wasn't interrupted by my ex's phone constantly ringing or by him getting on the phone as soon as the credits rolled. That movie is really good and a credit not only to Zach Braff but to his editors. Seriously, if you're thinking about turning a screen play into a film, I recommend watching the deleted scenes with and without the commentary. It's a real eye-opener.

I also plowed through Anil's Ghost, one of Michael Odantaaje's books. I was completely relieved on Saturday to discover that unread bit of fiction hiding amongst the letters of various poets and books on forensic entomology. Usually all I have is whatever I'm currently reading (but I'd just finished that) and all of my tried and true, read a million times books, and some non-fiction that I'm trying to read. This is truly a lesson to me--keep some novels around for sickness and other emergencies.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

letting go

Once when I was in elementary school I had a necklace that my dad had given me in my coat pocket. I really liked the necklace, not because it was fancy or expensive but because of who had given it to me. It had, you know, sentimental value. Well, I was running around and playing in the snow and the necklace fell out of my pocket. I looked and looked and even after the snow melted I'd keep my eye out for it but I never found that necklace.

That was probably 25 years ago and it is still fresh in my memory. When things or people are important to me, I am loathe to give them up, even when they're irretrievably lost.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

no drinking, no dancing

One of my former colleagues got married this weekend. I was really psyched when she invited me because I'd never been to a Muslim wedding before. I thought it might be a little bit like my friend's Hindu ceremony/reception but really I didn't know. So I went with a group of folks and we arrived right at the time posted on the invitation. Unfortunately we were about 2 hours early. An hour or so after we got there, other people started to trickle in, but the wedding itself happened a bit after 9pm.

There was a sort of MC guy who I think was a relative of the bride or groom. He explained to the uninitiated what was going on. For example, there was a contract that the bride's father and 3 others took to her so that she could officially agree to the wedding. Then it was brought back out for the groom to sign. A guy sang some passages from the Koran and a girl read the English translation. Then the bride came out all decked in her finery but the weird thing was that she was looking down, moving very slowly, sort of like she had the flu. It turns out that she's not supposed to make eye contact or talk to people all evening.

Then the food began. They had it set up so that there was pizza for the kids. They got all filled up and then they opened up the adult buffet lines. Unfortunately our table was directed to the closest line and we got in line ahead of all of the Muslim folks in our area. I say unfortunately because since there was no line to follow, we were all over the place. Women on the men's side, men on the women's side; it was chaos. Luckily I believe we were given the whitey dispensation and although people gave us funny looks, no one said anything mean (at least directly to us!). By then it was about 11 and we had to get home to children and other obligations so we missed the cake.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


You know when you're mad or frustrated and you want to call someone a name and something ridiculous comes to mind and right out of your mouth? Well, the fine fellows at Cactus got to hear me call someone a jerkass last night. The good news is that I got the new Gourds cd and the new Old 97s cd.

Yesterday was just a weird day. I had the day off and spent it doing laundry and reading, mostly, which isn't exactly odd. The weirdness stems from a phone call I got from my most recent ex. It made me feel like I have no idea what's going on in other people's heads, even when my experience tells me their behavior means X, Y or Z. Not only that, it made me really question my own motivations and desires.

Also, I'd taken allergy medicine and drunk a lot of caffeine so that didn't help things.

Friday, January 14, 2005

jerry bruckheimer is the anti-christ

Yeah, I know, 3 blogs in one day is a bit excessive. That said, I just noticed that the editing room has a new movie script up. You must read it now. The end [things blow up].

a nice phrase

From a conversation I had last night: Gaping Fat Wound

That's my new special phrase. Just thought you might want to know in case it comes up in conversation anytime soon.

grouchy pants

Man, when I'm not feeling 100% I turn into the biggest grouch. I'm not sick or anything but I have terrible allergy drip right into my ears and they're hurting and cloggy and my throat tastes nasty and all I want to do is lie on my couch. Or drink. Unfortunately I have to be Nice To People for at least two or three hours today. One of those hours I have to try to do that while simultaneously not killing a co-worker. It's just not fair, the barriers to being a decent human being that I am forced to overcome daily. I'm open to suggestions...

Thursday, January 13, 2005

1st homeowner freakout

This morning I was in the little bedroom of my new house and saw that there was one drop of water on the desk in there. I got a chair and looked at the ceiling and discovered a soft spot. Yeegads! It was super rainy and windy all night last night so I'm guessing that was the cause, but I have to get up on the roof and see exactly what's what. I'm hoping a little patching might be all I need, but I know that eventually the whole roof will need to be replaced.

All in all, not a nice way to begin my day. So here's a funny picture to distract you.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

kitty wompus

Last night was historic date number 2 for me and the new guy. [Since I usually refer to people by their first initials and he and my last bf share the same first initial, I'm still using that phrase to refer to him. Get over it.]

We went to see the movie Sideways, which a ton of people had recommended. I enjoyed it a lot, but it was also a bit stingy (sting-y) for me. The about-to-get-married guy reminded me a lot of some people I've known, stuck in bad patterns, hurting people and using them for his own gratification. And of course I'm the Paul Giamatti character, the lovable loser who is self-depracating to the point of annoying everyone who comes near, obsessively checking messages and failing to achieve my life's dreams. The scene with the ex wife was so devastating that if I hadn't been on a date and had been in a different hormonal state I probably would've bawled. One of those movie critic guys was saying that the women characters made this movie outstanding, but I'd disagree. PG made that movie good, where most actors would have made it amusing but forgettable.

After the movie I was sitting outside drinking a decaf mocha with the new guy and I realized that more than Dean Cain, he looks like one of my old professors. This prof was interviewing, giving his talk, and I walked in late. I was immediately smitten and spent a good 10 minutes checking for left-hand glint and the rest of the time damning myself for being too late. The things about him that I found physically attractive are kind of strange--he had formerly had bad skin, his front teeth stuck out just a little bit and he had a tiny lisp. The new guy is very similar, although his front teeth overlap just a wee bit. I am attracted to the weirdest things.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

mirror, mirror

First and foremost, some pics from my party.

Two mirror-related items. M. just finished editing a Mirror's show and it looks so great. Almost at the same time, while watching Greg Ashley writhe around on the floor, we both said, "I'd do him."

I was admiring myself in the mirror the other day, enjoying my svelte figure, when I realized that it's One of Those mirrors. You know, the kind that makes you look about 10 lbs skinnier than you really are. Saturday night some of my friends discovered it and were similarly admiring themselves. This morning I decided that despite the fact that it's lying to me, I really really like it. I think that seeing myself look fit is more of an incentive to exercise than looking at myself and thinking "What a schlub!" So, if you're feeling fat or bloated, come on over. The Skinny Party's at my house.

Monday, January 10, 2005

monday morning coming down

I had my big housewarming party this weekend. One of my friends is working on posting pics online. I'll let you know when they're up. I (and various attendees) took a bunch of pics on my disposable camera so you'll probably have to know me in person to get a look at those. You never know when you leave a camera out and unattended how many shots of people's butts (or worse) you'll end up with. Heck, one of my friends used to change my answering machine message whenever we had a party and inevitably my mom would call the next day.

Anyway, I was pretty tired yesterday. M., who may occasionally be referred to as the Good Ex, came over to put up a coat rack for me. Unfortunately the coat rack won and is currently propped up in the corner, waiting for the second attack later this week. I was also supposed to see a movie with the new guy but didn't. I just wasn't feeling pretty, if you know what I mean.

After we gave up on the coat rack, we went to get some cheap, good and spicy Chinese food and lick our collective wounds. As soon as we walked into the restaurant, though, I saw that the fellow who'd recently tried to put his lips on me was there with his girlfriend. I was so glad M. was there with me to diffuse the situation. Guy and girlfriend left quickly. The whole thing sucks because I am friends with this guy and we've had a long history of flirting but I thought I had made it clear I was not interested, and not only because of the girlfriend.

Then M. and I watched a movie and I drove home and fell asleep on the couch before 10. Some weeks it's good to get back to regular old work.

Friday, January 07, 2005

scarf up

I received two scarves for Christmas. Well, I received one that was made for me (and thank you very much for that by the way--I've received many compliments) and one that was made for my sister. The sister one was made by a very good friend of hers whom I also know. It's very fuzzy and brown and looks a bit like an animal sleeping around my neck. Sis is not so much into the fuzziness factor so after I begged and pleaded a bit she gave it to me.

Because of its close resemblance to an animal, I curled it up and poked one end through to make it look like a sleeping cat to freak out my sister. Then I did the same thing and left it under her sweater. Anticipation of her shrieking was killing me! When I got back from my mom's house, sis had left it under my pillow. When she later asked if I thought that was funny, I said, "Didn't you hear me scream?" I brought it home with me, so further hijinks will be delayed until our next visit. God, I hope it's going to be cold in Minneapolis in April!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

date update

So, I went to meet new guy S. at a local coffee establishment last night. As one of you has pointed out, I am a very on-time kind of gal. I walked in, got my drink, sat down and immediately got sucked into the latest issue of Spin. About an hour later, I started to wonder if A) S. was blowing me off. That would've made a fun story. B) I had the time wrong and had rushed over for no reason. A slightly less fun story but perhaps more typical of me when I'm in post-vacation fog and denial about being back at work.

About then, S. came over and sat down and two hours later I pulled myself away. The dude looks a bit like Dean Cain but with lighter brown hair. We talked for quite a long time about the scientific impossibilities of CSI, bugs, which sports we like to watch on tv, you know, the usual stuff. We're supposed to do something again on Sunday, so....

Wednesday, January 05, 2005


Last night I bought a big, bright red couch. The final decision came down to three possibilities: a huge loden microfiber couch which I almost bought but it was out of stock; a regular old fabric couch that I really liked but was concerned about the wear; the big red couch (also microfiber).

When I was in kindergarten, my friend Sandy had a birthday party and we went to Channel 3 Clubhouse, a local kids' program that had a live audience, sort of like Krusty. The host walked down the rows asking each of the kids a question. She asked me what my favorite color was. "Red!" I replied. Since then, I've had a variety of favorites and favorite combinations but I've always had a penchant for true red.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

more real

I like that phrase, "more real" because it's meaningless. What, could something be "less real"? Why not go full out and say something is unreal or surreal?

I'm experiencing the weirdest thing right now. The dude I've been seeing is phasing me out and at the same time I'm trying to shake him off. Neither of us has said anything to the other, but he has sent me a couple of very stilted emails and not called me for, oh, a few weeks. While the lack of drama is refreshing, there's something satisfying about a good old fashioned breakup. For one thing, there's a definite end to things and you get to say all of the mean things you've thought but never said. The downside of that is that he gets to say all of the means things he thought but never said.... Still!

While I was at home, my sister-in-law-in-law tried to set me up with her cousin. It went something like this.
Her: I don't know why D. is still with that girl. He's such a nice guy, treats women well, and she just takes advantage of that. He needs a nice girlfriend. [looks pointedly at me]
Me: I have a boyfriend. Of course, I'm going to break up with him as soon as he gets home.
Her: See? You can date D.
Me: But I live in Houston.
Her: He could move!
So I had to leave before he came back to the party because that would have been just embarrassing. Anyway, I have a date tomorrow with a new potential and of course will report how that goes.

Monday, January 03, 2005

ohmigod, it's like, soooo 2005!

Yes, people, I did make a New Year's Resolution. It could easily be your mantra as well:
My goal is to Remain Childless in 2005.

It seems that many people around me are popping out chitlins and while that may be their life's goal or something they consider important, I've got other thing on my plate this year, like:
1. my career
2. my new house
3. my friends & loved ones
4. shopping
5. saving and/or taking over the world
6. television, movies & music

I could go on, but you get the idea. Say it loud, say it strong. I Will Not Have a Child in 2005!