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in the hoosegow

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

think i've got it down

Lately I've been puzzled over my curious lack of emotion. I know I've written about being angry about things, and I have been, but the last time I checked there was more on the EmotionWheel than "cranky". While I have yet to determine the cause of this ailment, here are my current theories:
1. Suffering from SSAD, southern seasonal affective disorder. Unlike its partner, SAD, SSAD comes about when northerns move to southern climes and are overcome by too much post-September sunshine.
2. Aliens stole my brain and left me with a hologram.
3. Like when babies suddenly fall asleep after too much sensory stimulation, the emotion part of my brain shut down after a prolonged period of sadness, giddiness, insane jealousy and an unfounded sense of accomplishment.
4. There's really nothing to get excited about.

Monday, November 29, 2004

things that make me aggro

These days, there are lots of stressors in our lives. Here are a few of mine:
1. Oompa music. If you live in Texas, you know what I mean.
2. Drilling and other construction noises, especially those right smack above me. Seriously, I feel like I'm at the dentist all of the time and that's not good.
3. People who are late. I really hate waiting for people. I am, as someone told me recently, Punctual.

Of course there are the usual traffic, money and what the heck to buy people for Christmas problems but these are the things that are making the veins in my neck pop out. Probably all of the salt I ate over the holiday is not helping with the neck vein action but that's another story.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

i don't talk to myself, do I?

My bf recently bought a car. It's a volkswagen and you may know that many of those cars come with seat warmers. What follows is a completely imaginary conversation:

Me: So, did your car come with seat warmers?
S: Are you kidding? In Houston?
M: Wouldn't it be great if it came with seat coolers? You'd be like "Hey, it may be 100 degrees outside, but my ASS is frigid!"

Monday, November 22, 2004

movies and books

This weekend I got to see The Incredibles. I missed the very beginning because I was intent upon getting some snackage so, oh darn, I'll have to see it again. Pretty much everything good that people have said about it is true. It's funny, exciting, and not grossly sentimental at any point. One of my favorite parts was when Elastigirl is running around trying to save Mr. Incredible and she stops in front of a mirror, looks at her big butt and goes "Hmmph!" before continuing her mission. Even supers have ass anxiety!

I finished one of John O'Brien's books, Stripper Lessons, this weekend. While I didn't love it as much as Leaving Las Vegas, it was really good. Then I started Stiff. It's a book all about cadavers. It's funny. It's historical. It's occasionally disgusting, and I am excited to get home to read more of it.

Thursday, November 18, 2004


This morning I visited a middle school as part of Children's Book Week. The teacher whose class I went to had missed the explanation of why I was there because she'd been out sick.

As she let me in the room, she introduced me. "This is Ms. R. I'm not sure exactly why she's here but I'm sure she'll explain it to you." Precisely at that moment, I put my foot squarely in a trash can. After I stopped laughing, I said "I guess I'm here to be your clown!"

Then, while re-enacting the moment during a department meeting later in the day, I got gum on my shoe.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


My beau has been sick and the other day he bought some Vick's (pronounced Bick's) vapo-rub. He was telling me that his mom always rubbed on the Vick's but if that didn't work, his grandmother would use the egg. He was trying to get me to rub some on him (Vick's, not the egg), and I realized that the Vick's smell is probably a turn on for a lot of guys, especially hispanic dudes. I could completely picture a little old abuela doing the egg-rubbing and then cracking to see if the malo was gone or not. I'm thinking about turning the idea into a short film script. I'll let you know how it goes!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

my subsconscious speaks

Last night I dreampt that I was talking with my ex. He told me that our relationship was the way it was because I wanted it that way. "You don't know how fiery your spirit is," he said.

Monday, November 15, 2004


It's amazing how satisfying a good shop can be, especially when preceded by a big breakfast with lots of coffee. I'm currently breaking in one of my two new pairs of shoes and I've already worn my new cords a few times. I'm in love with them.

In other news, I had a dream that I keep flashing back to. It was about a dog wearing a wig. Apparently this dog had been mistreated and was missing quite a lot of fur on its head, so this girl I used to know adopted it and got it a wig. It was a golden retriever, a nice red one, and it had a red curly wig. I'm laughing right now remember it. Anyway, I kept pulling the wig off because I thought it was ridiculous and I got into a big discussion with the girl about how the dog felt embarrassed about its missing fur.

Lordy, I don't know what that dream is all about but it makes me think I shouldn't polish off a pint of ice cream right before I fall asleep.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

4 hrs, 7 min

I'm fasting today. It's not because I'm feeling fat or anything but for charity. It's a Fast-a-thon sponsored by the Muslim Students' Association and local businesses. Basically, since I signed up to not eat today, some other people get to eat. Neat. Anyway, I had to go to another campus for a meeting, which gave me a great opportunity to hang out with my friend C. She showed me all around the campus and there was this festival going on in their building which was basically a small scale craft show. Except that it seemed like everyone was also selling food. After a few near-misses, C. took to steering me away from certain tables, saying "No food for you!" It's good to have friends.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

readers' advisory

That's the fancy librarianese term for recommending books to people. It's something most of us do all of the time, either because we've enjoyed a book and want others to read it so we can discuss it with them or because we hated the book, secretly hate the person and want to make him suffer.

I often recommend a book called The Sparrow for the first reason. It's by Mary Doria Russell and it touches on a lot of things I like to read and contemplate: science fiction, space travel, the human condition, faith and the church. There's a second book called Children of God that's a lot harder to read and makes you suffer while you're reading it but if you stick with it you'll be glad. I'll recommend that one with the above caveat. One of my friends, like me, gets some glee out of suggesting a certain couple we know watch films we know they'll dislike, not understand or at least wonder why we recommended it to them. If, at the end of a film, we look at each other and either shrug or say "that's a wrist slitter and a half" then it goes onto the list. It's sort of like telling a devotee of romantic comedies that she'll enjoy the tragic love story in the latest David Lynch film.

Right now I'm reading a couple of books: Justice Hall, which is the latest Mary Russell mystery; Stripper Lessons, which is by the author of Leaving Las Vegas; and I've got Stiff waiting for me as soon as I finish one of the others. Of course I still have a textbook on goat science awaiting my attention and my bathroom reader which is a compilation of Anne Sexton's letters.

This probably says way too much about me, so perhaps you'll forget what you just read. You're grooooowing veeeeery sleeepppy....

Monday, November 08, 2004

i'm supposed to be working!

Well, it's lunchtime, right?

Two things:

1. See a pic of my college boyfriend. His hair was waaaay longer back then.

2. The nicest thing happened yesterday. I was walking home from the park and stopped to admire what I thought was a tangerine tree. Turns out it was a valencia orange tree and the owner immediately started ripping off oranges and handing them to me.

That is all. You may now return to any regularly scheduled goofing off.

making things, breaking things

I had a really fun weekend, some details of which you'll have to contact me directly to hear. Yesterday was one of those perfect weather kind of days that come about fairly often this time of year but not always on a weekend. I spent some quality time outside with my pals and then some quality time making a gift for one of my pals. It's fun to make stuff. I'm considering getting a glass etching kit to make glasses for my peeps for the holidays, but I haven't committed yet. If you have had a really good or bad experience with those, let me know.

Then last night I had a very sad conversation with one of my best pals. I had to be a big jerk in order to save myself much more heartbreak. It was inevitable, I think, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. But hey, it's a new week and I have cake to eat tonight and lots of stuff to keep me occupied at work.

Friday, November 05, 2004

i feel a drunk coming on

Apparently not all boys are useless and inconsiderate. Just some of them! And they know who they are...

I actually got a little creeped out by csi last night. For some reason serial killers can do that to me, especially ones that like to play and use blowup dolls in their taunting of the police and criminalists. I kept glancing at the door to make sure it was locked and then I had to steel myself before getting up to go to the bathroom. That used to happen to me a lot during old X Files episodes, which is stupid because why would the bathroom be any scarier than the living room which, after all, has windows and a door and nowhere to hide.

In other tv-related news, Larry Hagman and Patrick Duffy were on one of those morning shows advertizing the Dallas reunion this weekend. They did this hilarious bit with Larry drooling and making an ass of himself. While I realize that JR was merely a character, it was always hard for me to separate him from the actor. I mean, that dude was pure evil, right? Anyway, it was good to see Patrick Duffy, one of my very first crushes when he was on the Man From Atlantis. He hasn't been around much since that ill-fated sitcom he did with the thigh master lady. What was her name? You know, Chrissie from 3's Company.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

no hassle

I'm about fed up with boys, again. Why do so many members of the hairier sex act like babies? Why do they act as if picking up the phone and calling is against their religion? Why, oh why are they incapable of hitting the "reply" button on their email?

On a lighter note, gal Cassie got kicked off of ANTM this week. No surprise there. I was also right that it was Amanda who forgot to bring heels with her on the go-see. Ah, television.

On an even lighter note, it was nice and cold at my house last night. I pulled out my comforter and slept an extra hour and a half this morning all toasty mosty. It was while I was lying there not really wanting to get out of bed that I realized men are mostly over-rated, except of course for their ability to fix things and carry things that are too heavy for me, but I can hire someone to do that. Hmmmumph.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

time to move on

One battle is over but the next is still being fought on national television: who will be America's Next Top Model? There's one sad puppy still waiting to be kicked off (I hope before my last model gets the ax)--Cassie. It's got to be eating disorder girl's night to go. After that I'm guessing my Ann will be next, along with Eva. After that I have no idea but maybe Toccara. It sucks that they bring plus size models to the show just to tear them apart. I only pray there will be no more preaching by Miss Yaya. I thought she was cool until she proved she has NO sense of humor. Hey, when you're living with a bunch of slobby ho bitches, you've got to keep things in perspective, right Amanda?

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

the cool kids

I'm so not a cool kid. I've always been a geeky freak, or a freaky geek maybe. I've enjoyed a popularity of sorts amongst others of my ilk, never really lacking in friends except when I move to a new place where I know no one and have to start from scratch. For example, I received three invitations to watch the election results tonight but zero invitations to Halloween parties last weekend. I think the writing's etched into the wall...

Monday, November 01, 2004


Last night I went over to a friend's house. He lives in an apartment complex with a very diverse population, lots of transexuals and generally people who like to have a good time. On my way up to the building, I was called over by a group set up by the sidewalk with cookies, candy and "alcohol" in the form of, well, it might've been mouthwash or it might've been cough syrup. I escaped Wendy (of Caspar fame) only after I took a bundle of candy and two shots of "alcohol". Now who ever said trannie witches don't know how to party?