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in the hoosegow

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

icy hand of death

Sunday night I really wanted to sleep outside so the good ex decided to join me. We decided that the hammock might be too much of a challenge, especially with me always having to get up to pee in the middle of the night, so we set up a cushion with blankies on the porch (we were at a pal's lake house). All was going well, we were comfortable, warm enough, and enjoying the sounds of the water and wind when it started to rain. We got up, moved the bed over a few feet and dropped off to sleep. Some time later, I awoke from a very sound sleep to hear the good ex shrieking that a Hand Was Touching His Hair! Stifling my laughter (probably not very well), I suggested we go inside. Meanwhile GE said, "I'm going to get rabies! I could hear its teeth rasping! etc.

We went inside and slept on the couches the rest of the night and in the morning, discussion with lake house owners determined that an opossum lives under the porch and must've been checking us out and looking for bugs to eat.

That episode is going to provide me with teasing material for years to come...

Friday, May 27, 2005

working artists

A couple of my friends are artists. Some make their living doing it and some supplement their income with sales. My pal Chad Thome has made a bunch of sculptures and jewelry for friends and patrons and he'll make beautiful things for you if you have the dough. Check out his website and then check back later as he adds more pics.

why i hate puppets

Jane and K. and I are trying to get through Angel season 5 before K. leaves town. Last night we watched the infamous puppet episode. It was hilariously funny but reminded me of my innate hatred of puppets, clowns, mannequins and especially mimes. There's something about their simplified faces and creepy mannerisms that really gets to me. That might be reason enough to avoid them at all costs (as in I run away if I see one) but add to that the fears induced by movies where they play homicidal maniacs. Puppets and mannequins are scary because, well, what if they move by themselves? What if they **shiver** TALK TO YOU? I really don't even like dolls very much, and as a child would hide my clown doll at the bottom of the toy chest. It's no wonder my childhood recurring nightmare involved Ronald McDonald.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

sweet bevvie

Those of you who've had coffee with me know I'm a big fan of Splenda. It's an alternative sweetener which doesn't seem to be as toxic as the pink and blue versions. It also tastes better, which in my mind equals, it tastes more like pure unadulterated sugar.

Just a minute ago I made a foray to the vending machines to prepare for upcoming meeting extravaganza and discovered something new: Diet Coke with Splenda. (insert Hallelujah Chorus here) It tastes pretty good--much more like regular Coke.

Next: double chocolate brownies with Splenda. Mmmmmmm.....brownies.

baby head smell

Someone laughed the other day when I said that babies smell good so that the mothers don't eat them. Actually, that's why babies cry when they're born. They smell good so we'll take care of them, having already established they're alive and shouldn't be eaten.

I ran into my friends A. & S. last night at the video/music store. A. had baby A. in arm. It was the first I'd met baby A. and I was unprepared for how darned cute he was. After a few seconds he started smiling at me, like most babies do, and I realized I had to stay away from his fetching baby smell because my hormones weren't in check and I might've started weeping or something equally embarrassing.

It made me kinda sad that I haven't been able to meet Baby Dracula yet.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

you're trying to scheme me

I saw the trailer for Tarnation a while back when I was at the MFA watching some other film. BTW, they show awesome films there so make sure you check out the schedule on a regular basis. Anyhoo, Tarnation is out on dvd now and the good ex rented it, previewed it and showed it to me and S. last night. For those who haven't seen the trailer, Tarnation is the life story of a man whose mother was (mis)treated with electric shock and their incredibly messed up subsequent lives together. Jonathan Caouette started filming himself and his friends and family when he was a kid so there's a lot of older footage put together with current film. The guy who made the film grew up in H-town so there are shots of town and some folks that the good ex knew back in the day. It's a fairly heart wrenching depiction of the mentally ill parent and child dynamic, much like the book Another Bullshit Night in Suck City by Nick Flynn.

The film itself is beautifully edited, in fact the editing creates a lot of the feeling and emotion of the film, as does the soundtrack. It's definitely another title to add to the wrist-slitter hall of fame, so when you're in the mood, I highly recommend it.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

an amazing piece of luck

I had a hard time finding a roommate for the conference I just attended. As a last ditch effort, I advertized my plight on the organization's forum and received two responses. I took the first person's offer without knowing anything other than her name, place of work and that she was a female. Sounds like a good way to have a horrible weekend, right? I don't know what I did to deserve it, perhaps nothing, but my roomie turned out to be about my age, very laid back, shared a lot of my interests and values, and arrived at the room with chocolate. We ended up spending our free evening together at the baseball game (Twins suck, I must say, at least Saturday night against the Brewers) and drinking at a local watering hole. We enjoyed ourselves by making fun of the bachelorette parties and their requisite veils, beads and glowing/blinking penis attachments. We shared a big plate of fries. We went back to the room and listened to Modest Mouse on the radio/ipod. Usually I come home from conferences with a new conference boyfriend (usually a married and/or gay man that I get a crush on) but this time I came home with a conference girlfriend.

lethal combo

Yesterday I watched an episode of Without a Trace from last week that concerned terrorists assassinating a military dictator. I also watched an episode of the PBS cartoon Arthur that featured Mr. Rogers made into an aardvark.

My brain did not like.

I dreamed that I was a part of a terrorist organization and I had to bump off Mr. Rogers, which I did. I woke up feeling rather disturbed and couldn't go back to sleep.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

back to the gls

Some people like to call all sorts of states "the midwest". I'm from Michigan, which is close to the center if you're thinking east-west, but it borders on Canada in the north. I prefer to call my state and the others bordering the great lakes, the great lake states.

That was a long prelude to my out-of-blogspace message. I'll be back in Minneapolis for a few days attending a conference and my bizzy schedule doesn't leave a lot of computer time.

I know, boo hoo and all of that. In the meantime, please amuse yourselves with either:
(one of the top hits when you google the words fluffy puppy squirrel kitten)


In what appears to have been the season finale, Gilmore Girls presented no real surprises except for the plot about Lane's band.

The episode was advertised as the "someone asks will you marry me" episode and of the couple you would have expected, one pops the question. Ho hum. What was interesting, though, was the whole feeling of "we should have seen that coming" when Lorelai's parents completely stab her in the back over the Rory's Quitting Yale situation. Indeed, why didn't she see that coming?

Way more interesting was the Lane storyline. She realizes how stagnant the band has become and proposes a tour. The other members find a million reasons not to go so Lane decides to quit, go back home and submit to attending 7th Day Adventist college. Mrs. Kim blows that idea out of the water and immediately works out a way for the band to tour. Given, the band will be playing in churches and a few theatres, but they'll have places to stay and eat along the way and it appears Mrs. Kim may be footing the gas bill, all because of her fond memories of touring as part of an all-girl Christian tambourine band.

Despite the fairly ordinary Rory-Lorelai storyline, the ending was especially bitter, with Lorelai watching through the window as Rory unpacked her boxes in the pool house. As one mother-daughter pair finds a way to reconnect through music, another disintegrates.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


I'm having two work gal pals over tonight to watch some Angel Season 5 episodes. Here's what my horrorscope has to say:

Be more social with your co-workers. Invite people over to your house after work for an informal party or dinner.

Hahaha! Or should I say, "Bwooohahahaha!"

Monday, May 16, 2005

back online

So, last week my blog mysteriously disappeared. I wrote to blogger help and (of course) never received a response other than their autoreply. So today I finally decided to try republishing and that seems to have restored everything.

Why couldn't they just tell me to try that?

I was at a party this weekend that featured a mariachi band followed by a dj. About half an hour after the dj started, the cops showed up. It was unfortunate timing because I had just dragged myself off my chair and onto the dance floor (the yard).

In other news, my friend had a car in the Art Car parade. It was a gigantic washing machine (her production company is La Chicana Laundry Productions) and looked great. I was waiting in my EuroTourist costume and jumped up from the curb as they came around the corner, yelling "Mein Gott! Was is das?" in my best fake German accent. Actually I meant to yell "Gott in Himmel" but I got confused at the last second.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

shark bait

So, what is up with Kirk's chest? He must have some medical condition because he has very little in the shoulder and pec area. And we got to see him in his full bare chested glory for several minutes.


I didn't feel that great yesterday so I went home as soon as I could and had dinner and watched Gilmore Girls. Then I went to the park and charged around the loop before it got completely dark and then I read my book. As soon as I got into bed, though, my brain started spinning. Things I have to do and will have to do and my money situation all created a fun merry-go-round in my head. Luckily I get to be away from the office both this afternoon and tomorrow morning so perhaps I can tame my stress beast.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

just had to share...

My horrorscope today:

An unethical female coworker could be spreading unfounded rumors at work. Don't take anything you hear at face value. Get all the facts before drawing any conclusions. Equipment either being installed or acting up only adds to the confusion. If the situation weren't so frustrating, it would be comical. Take several deep breaths throughout the day. Tomorrow things will be on more of an even keel.

The problem is, there's more than one person who could fit this bill...


My spanish class was very small last night. For some reason this was the week that everyone was busy and decided to go to the Thursday class instead. That left me, a few dudes, a girl from the Thursday class and the teacher. I realized that for some reason most of the folks in the class know my name but I didn't know theirs without a reminder. I also realized that my jokey nature was overtaking my language class shyness and I shouted out some one-liners to the crowd. At one point la profesora was exhorting the class to ask questions like we meant it, not like we were making statements. One of the guys said, "Deseas bailar." instead of "?Deseas bailar?" and I said to the girl next to me, "but that's probably how he'd say it anyway." Because, you know, guys assume you're just dying to dance with them and they don't need to ask.

Hmm, that appears to be a good example of how jokes do NOT translate away from the original situation.

Monday, May 09, 2005

rollicking romp

You may recall the brief time when Lady Killers was in the theatre, or you may not. For some reason it was not only not a commercial success, I didn't hear anything good about it from Cohen Brothers fans. This weekend I finally got around to watching it on video and was very pleasantly surprised.

The cast is excellent, characters funny and quirky and the storyline, well, it's a tried and true storyline but hilarious nonetheless. It's great to see Tom Hanks in the role as the professor. I haven't seen any of his movies for many years now. In fact, the last thing I remember seeing him in was Big. No wait, I did see Philadelphia, probably the last decent film he made, right? Anyway, in Lady Killers he's one of those guys you love to hate, putting on this ridiculously over the top persona that could only be found in the deep south.

Really, I loved all of the characters, from the church ladies to Mountain Girl to the Sheriff. There's also a killer (no pun intended) soundtrack. I won't give away any of the plot, except to leave you with this one bit of dialogue:

Professor: General, you're a Buddhist. Isn't there a ... middle way?

General: You must float like a leaf on a river. And Kill Old Lady.

Friday, May 06, 2005

yegads it's friday

This week has been a bit crazy and scattered. I worked half a day on Wednesday and then from Thursday midnight to 7am, helping keep the library open for those all night study sessions. I thought I'd be able to get up and run some errands yesterday afternoon but I woke up feeling rather poorly. I spent the afternoon lying on my couch napping and petting the kitten, watching tv and snoozing. So today I'm trying to catch up on some work but my brain isn't 100% on task. It's already at home doing housework and catching up on netflix videos and at home despot buying a hose.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

still waiting

So my boss had her baby a few days ago, congratulations and all of that. However, I'm still waiting to hear about my impending nephew. The big day was supposed to be yesterday but I haven't gotten any frantic calls from my mom or email from my (non-birthing) sister so I'm wondering what's up.

What's up, Baby Dracula. Are you here? If so, send me some smoke signals.

UPDATE: my sis called to tell me that indeed, Baby Dracula was born on Tuesday. 8 pounds or something big but not quite huge. Can't wait to meet him!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

the other shoe falls

What does that saying mean, anyway? Or have I gotten it wrong? Anyway, after all of my moody moping and weeping and gnashing of teeth last week, things are starting to turn around. I got notice today that I was picked for a committee that I really wanted to be on (and it's a national committee so I can go "haha!" to the tenure people) and I made some contacts in the high school library community. Also, a committee I'm running right now had so many people volunteer for it that I am not sure I can keep them all. I believe that may be unprecedented.

In more mundane news, I went to the dentist today and had my tooth fixed. I have to go back in a few weeks to get the final fix so don't even try to tempt me and my temporary crown with anything sticky. I'm on to you, buddy!

And finally, the sad news. Last night on my way to Spanish class I accidentally ran into a pigeon. May you rest in peace, Squawky.

Monday, May 02, 2005

mood tonic

After one heck of a week, I picked up the boys on Friday and we went to see Kung Fu Hustle. I spent the first little bit of the evening just trying to relax, but when the film got going I forgot all of my troubles and cares and laughed my guts out. There were so many funny parts I can't remember or relate them all, but a few highlights were the many silly-sounding kung fu styles, e.g. Frog Style, the way the landlady always had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, even when she was kicking someone's butt, and the outfits worn by the gang. If you're at all a fan of the kung fu genre, I recommend this movie, and remember to keep your eyes open for several homages to other movies (not all kung fu!).